Time of my Life

I feel like ever since Nicole and I began saving money things keep happening that we must spend it on. Most recently, the car began acting up. The repair shop said we needed a new catalytic converter to the tune of $1,300 but luckily we told them to fuck off and called a mechanic friend who said there's no way our cat went bad. Turns out the new light that turned on was from a faulty brake sensor that was recalled and replaced for free. We've known for months that the O2 sensor went bad which made the check engine light come on and the engine felt like it was missing so we replaced the spark plugs.

We've ordered new O2 sensors (for $200) to replace this weekend so the check engine light will finally turn off but since our last oil change we've noticed an oil leak. Funny how there wasn't one ever before and then the oil is changed and now there is a leak. I really hope it's just a loose filter and nothing serious.

Damn it all.

What's the antonym of Homesick? Habitational Boredom?

I will hold this giant rectangle I grew up in close to my heart but it's growing tiresome. I've never been bothered by a winter as much as this last one and I've got a feeling the next one is going to be worse. I find myself checking the daily weather in L.A. and dreaming of the week Nicole and I spent there last summer. Yeah, I know, L.A. has its criticisms but we don't want to go there to become struggling actors. L.A. is epicenter of more than earthquakes, it's a place with eccentricities that allow unusual forms of the built environment to develop. It's the oldest example of the polycentric city and the birth place of so many different kinds of innovation, not only in my field, but in almost all others.

Moving to Los Angeles will not only provide Nicole and I with a new place to live and possibly the experience of a lifetime, it will help me in my career.

Up until now everything in my life has been so safe and frankly I'm tired of it. I'm willing to take a chance and risk some security even if that means scraping together a living. I've got the rest of my life to build a web of security and plan my retirement.

I saw the new Esquire arrived and I opened it directly to the page below. I like the way she says L.A.

Ever had the dream you couldn't wake up from? Or how about the dream you do wake up from but then go right back to?

That's what I did all night. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't shake myself out of this dream. I usually wouldn't mind as I mostly have grandiose dreams of being a pro snowboarder/skateboarder or I can fly or get away with crazy things that I couldn't get away with in reality...

But last night I dreamt that Nicole was pregnant. And it wasn't one of those dreams you know is a dream. I thought it was real and all night I struggled with coming to the reality that I was going to be a father. I had to realize that it was all going to be about the child now, not Nicole and I, and I became horribly depressed. Depressed that I haven't been able to do all the things I wanted to do before becoming a father. It made me realize how selfish I am and how truly unprepared for parenthood Nicole and I are.

Believe me, I want kids. Just not yet.

You're going to think I intentionally seek this shit out but I don't.

First story I found on an online news page today:

I'll talk about the wedding we went to in New Mexico in the next post. I'm too pissed about my dad's house getting broken into by eight hoodlums and having them get away with only one item: My Laptop.

Apparently my sister came home with some friends and found them robbing the house and the hoodlums freaked and ran off. I'm not quite sure how it happened but three of them were arrested and will have to pay restitution for my laptop and any damage they caused.

I know my Dad will blindly look past my sister having any responsibility regarding the matter but at some point coincidence ends and the fingers begin to point at my sister.

Fuck I'm angry.

I can't shake this feeling of violation I've had since coming home yesterday. People forced their way into my family's home and tried to take whatever they wanted. We're honest people (except for my sister) and have worked hard for everything we have and these kids think they can just rob us blind? Who thinks that way? What's wrong with these people? What gives them the right to just take whatever they want?

I'm so angry about it all I feel sick. I fantasize about hurting them. How dare they invade our home and put fear into the ones I love. My wife couldn't sleep because every time she heard a noise she'd jump.

Spray paint worthless scribbles onto our fence, fine. Smash our mailbox because you're angry, fine. Even throw rocks through our windows because you feel you need to get even with my sister, fine. But invade our home and you've really crossed the line.

Funny how nothing like this ever happened until my sister began to hang out with the scum of the city. Stupid, ignorant people born from the same. And these are the people my sister has found camaraderie among. I wish we could say we came from poverty and our parents were abusive or one of a million reasons people find to lower themselves to befriend gangsters and drug dealers, but I can't say any of those things. We come from an intelligent, proud and respectful family.

My sister does nothing but shit on our name and everything we've worked for. She's a disgrace to our family. We've all tried to show her the right direction but she refuses any guidance and insists that she knows what's best.

A message for my darling little sister:

We will all stand idly by and watch you fuck up your life Kirstie because you're right, you're in charge of your own actions. But when your poor decisions begin to bring hurt upon those who have done nothing but try and help you it's painfully clear there has been a grave error in your judgement. This time you can't pass it off with a little lie and hope everyone forgets it.

This is really serious and you've really fucked up. It's high time you've suffered any repercussions because of your poor decisions. It's just really shitty that we all have to suffer from your mistakes. I hope you will take into consideration the seriousness of this matter because if you don't you're going to wind up dead behind a dumpster with your hands cut off for shooting your mouth off to the wrong person.

I know that's hard to hear but that isn't even the real tragedy of the situation. The real tragedy is that if/when it finally does come to that there will be a mountain of reasons that it should have happened sooner and the loss of one hoodlum will have no negative effect or even be a shock to society at all.

Get your shit together before it's too late.

I had a sincere request to remove my last post because of it's nature. I don't regret what I said because someone needed to put it out there and I'm glad I used a public forum because it had an effect on my sister unlike telling her the same thing in private. Perhaps now she will use these new feelings she has to push herself in the right direction.

I'm still amazingly upset about it all and find myself waking up in a cold sweat at night straining to hear anything in the silence. I hope I will be able to sleep soundly soon.

May my sister never forget what has happened.

I want to make an effort not to be a sloth this summer... So slow moving that moss can grow in my fur.

So far we've secured helping put on a fireworks show with Dave and the Warped Tour. Let hope we can add to that list.

Sometimes things don't go the way you planned them to. Fortunately, I'm much better at accepting this than Nicole. She's good at making the plans where I prefer to fly by the seat of my pants. We make a good team.

With that said, I think it's time to leave the nest before another family member shakes it apart. Besides, we're in our 20s, married, and should have a place of our own... Or at least a place with some people our age. Anyone looking for roommates? I figure we could find a great house downtown if we teamed up with another couple of people. If it sounds appealing to you let me know.

I just finished a nice run through some of the older neighborhoods in Westminster. The lots sizes the old houses were built on are much bigger than those of more modern homes. The larger lots allow for more green space which is something I guess I had never noticed here in Westminster.

The temperature was perfect and I came across the top of a hill through some old trees just in time to see the sun setting behind the mountains. It couldn't be more perfect outside.

It's funny that outside is in complete contrast of what's going on "inside". I've never been more ready to move on with my life. I honestly think I've outgrown this place (and the people in it).

Nicole and I have found what I consider the coolest rental property in the greater Denver area. It's on 11th and Josephine right next to the Botanical Gardens in a fantastic old neighborhood lined with 100 year old trees. We will be living in a carriage house behind one of the old Denver mansions. The place is around 1,000 square feet and it goes for $800 a month. Not only is that kind of space unheard of for $800 downtown but we don't have to share a wall with anyone and we get our our private yard! It's almost impossible to explain the architecture of the place so you'll have to wait until we can post pictures.

I live with Henry and Veruca Salt... But more on that later.

My dad tried to hide the TV remote today because he's mad at me. I couldn't imagine a more childish thing to do. I would have laughed had I thought he was kidding around with me but he was totally serious.

Don't worry dad, I wasn't going to watch your TV anyway. If I were a big jerk I'd hide this modem I pay for.

Things are looking up. Nicole and I received confirmation on the rental place, I sold my old motorcycle, filed our tax return and we've got help to move. Things are starting to turn around and it's shaping up to be a wonderful summer.