Time of my Life

I feel like my mind has a cold. I went snowboarding last weekend, something I used to really enjoy, and I couldn't wait to just get inside and take my boots off. I went to see van halen with my dad and even though it was fun it didn't feel like it was worth all the money and I feel guilty. I can't find a reason to want to go to work in the morning and I have the best job. I work hard for an hour at the gym and I wait for the endorphin high but it never comes. I pushed and pushed to complete a huge project at work but when I was done I wasn't proud of what I accomplished. Food doesn't taste good and I don't want to talk to anyone.

Everything seems so dull and muted and I wonder why I've been working so hard. Maybe I haven't been working hard enough. Where's my fight club?

I can push off these feelings for a while but they always come back. Today is just a bad day.

I figured this was going to be a problem so I took advantage of the health insurance I pay a premium for but never use and went to see a therapist. I'm probably marked as damaged goods for life now and will never be able to get fairly priced health or life insurance again. Healthcare in this country is awesome.

I don't know where it's going yet but it at least helps to get an opinion from someone who is paid to remain neutral (or when you think about it, paid to not give a shit or care). I do worry that I'm not giving them accurate information. I'm so wrapped up in my own head that I wonder if I'm capable of painting an accurate picture of my life. I really can't tell where I end and the problem begins. I don't know if I have any right to be upset about things.

I remember when I was 14 and had no trouble falling asleep at night. Those were the days.