the Nonsense in Between

When I was younger I always said I'd age gracefully. With my 25th birthday less than 24 hours away I'm not feeling quite as optimistic.

I've said it before and I'll reiterate it here that one's twenties are much harder than adolescence. There are too many options and not enough resources for most twenty somethings (this is an assumption based on a small collection of non-scientifically based data). Some of us have college degrees or are working toward a first one or a second one or like my fabulously intelligent friend, Paul, their third one.

But what does it all mean? Having a degree doesn't pave the path. Even my friend Paul, who is a dissertation away from a Phd, doesnt know what he's going to do afterward. And thats just one piece of the puzzle. What about relationships, location, children, home purchases and other huge factors? If you've figured out one piece of the puzzle, like some of my friends have, how do the other pieces fit in? Do you sacrifice one for another? Do you shove them in where they dont fit?

I may be a little over concerned with some of these issues the day before I turn 25 because, well, I'm turning TWENTY FIVE! When I was younger I thought I'd have it all planned out by now. Mostly I feel as though I'm at a crossroads. I know that must sound a bit melodramatic but let me attempt an explanation.
Next spring I will have a bachelor's degree (finally) but I will not have a license to teach because that takes another 3 semesters. Thats another year and a half. So I've been looking into various masters programs because a master's is typically 2 years only half a year more. But then there's the financial piece that doesnt need much explaining. Then there's my empty womb wondering when she'll get her chance. Wait, before you choke, hear me out. I'm not dying to have a baby tomorrow or even in the next couple of years but I do plan on it someday. And as all the other pieces of the puzzle demand my attention and resources I cant help but wonder how that last piece is going to find its way into my life.

i know that's a lot of rambling but, jesus, I'm scared.

As it turns out, being twenty five has proven to be quite fantastic. My friends, both young and old, have reassured me that what I've been experiencing is less less of a crisis and more of a normal reaction to growing up. Thank you all so much for all of your comments and support; you mean the world to me.

My birthday was made perfect by my wonderful husband who did everything in his power to ensure it was so. Although I asked for only his company for my day he still surprised me with some great new gadgets for my DSLR. He gave me his undivided attention and so much more and I cannot thank him enough. Dominic, you are a wonderful husband everyday of the year and I'm not sure how you managed to top it but thank you from the bottom of my heart for such a fabulous birthday.

On the 4th of July we helped our good friend Dave set up his first ever fireworks show. It was hardwork but I'm really glad we were able to give him back just some of what he's given us.
Dave, I hope you had a great time yesterday even though you had to supervise a bunch of amateurs.

I will post some pictures soon.

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Originally uploaded by Filosa

Taking pictures of fireworks while running from falling embers and trying to avoid being killed by renegade explosions was a difficult task. My apologies for the few poor quality photos I captured.

Click the photo to see the rest.

Thanks for visiting my new little blog. I hope you think its pretty because I spent way too much time on it and frankly I'm really quite proud of my work. I know what you're thinking: "geeze, Nicole, modest much?" Well first of all, No. And Second, I know absolutely nothing about web design so I think i am allowed to be a little impressed with myself. That said, if my blog does something weird in your browser please let me know because i really dont know what i'm doing.

I must note that I could not have done it without the help of Learning Movable Type. For the masthead I used some really awesome photoshop brushes from Beautiful-Sin and Hybrid Genesis.

I plan to continue blogging with even more random rambling, complaining about a certain crisis, and other things that tickle my fancy; i hope they tickle yours.

Yours Truly,
Nicole Filosa

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My mother calls me with bad news so often that my husband shivers every time her number shows up on the caller ID. He makes jokes about it and even I have been guilty of laughing about it. Her phone call yesterday was more of the same but i couldnt laugh it off. Even 24 hours later i feel the weight of her words.

Her call was to inform me that my little brother's best friend was killed in a car accident. The hurt I feel today, however, isnt from the loss of the boy's life, precious as i'm sure it was.

The pain i feel today is for my poor brother because i know exactly how he must feel having gone through it myself. And it makes me angry all over again. I was forced to rationalize my best friend's death as a part of life. People die. Some people die old. Some die young. But there's something so deeply painful about a young person's death that it never goes away.
I know too many young people who have died in that godforsaken place, so many that i almost thought it was normal. Its not normal. People arent supposed to die suddenly and tragically. that is supposed to be the exception not the norm.

I hope my brother has the strength to get through this and get out of there.

there's something terribly wrong with that place.

The other night my husband went to a trivia thing hosted by a local bar. He was supposed to ride public transit home, something he's done hundreds of times, but as you will learn from the video below its not so easy when you're wasted. But it is hilarious.

Note: it took him over 2 hours to get home and that's with me picking him up. I took this video when we got home, clearly he's still a little inebriated. I got his sober permission to post this.

One could read a mountain of books but it is the mountain climber who holds the true knowledge.

go climb a mountain. I'm going to bed.

People dont use the word "gumption" enough.
Maybe it's because no one has any.

Find gumption
-added to To Do List 7/25/07

Why is the sound of dripping water torture but the sound of rain soothing?

This weekend we had the pleasure of taking part in Ben and Dan's First Semi-Homo Erotic Cornhole Tournament. If you've ever played cornhole games with a bunch of boys you'll understand the previous statement otherwise, use your imagination.

I wouldnt brag about this if I had any shame but Dominic and I were the proud winners of the losers bracket winning us five dollars each and alot of ridicule. It came as no surprise that Dan's friend Jesse won the top prize because he's the kind of guy who has to win, if you know what I mean. He was getting really annoyed at the lack of skill the losers possessed but we had more fun anyway.

I posted pictures up at flickr of the day's events. So check them out if you havent already.

Ben and Dan, i hope you guys are planning another tournament before the summer ends. I'd like the opportunity to defend my title. Go Losers!