the Nonsense in Between

as the sun set behind us, Dominic and I read our vows to each other over the feedback on our rented PA in front of our friends and family. Today, we watched the sunset from that very spot and reminisced about the wedding and about our first year of marriage. And just like this day last year i've been an emotional mess.

Words are in short supply this evening so I leave you with a photo...

I am a 25 year old hispanic woman who has always known that one day I would be a mother but wanted to wait until it was right for me. I fought the odds and graduated high school without a single pregnancy. I turned 18, then 19, 20 and so on all the while maintaining an empty womb. I even GOT MARRIED before ever becoming pregnant.

I have been married for a year now and my husband and I, both before and since our wedding, have discussed future plans for our family just like any couple should. Lately, there has been more baby talk because of all the babies being born around us. This is NOT a symptom of "baby fever" but if I have it then Dominic has it even more.

A couple of weekends ago while getting ready to go to a baby shower I asked Dominic if he thought seeing all the babies and baby stuff would make us want to have a baby he responded like he always has when the subject comes up, by wrinkling his face like someone just asked him if he'd like to be kicked in the balls, and said "No." But then, oh BUT THEN, his face lit up when he saw his friends with all their babies and when we got in the car to come home he told me babies were "neat" and "cute" and "how cool was that when Mike taught his kid to jump off of chairs". And then HE said, "Let's have a baby" and I was all "see i told you." And since then the subject has come up a few times and now I'm being accused of having "baby fever".

I think the truth is that the desire to have kids has become more real for Dominic recently then it ever has and he's scared. So by telling the whole world that it is me and not him that wants a baby somehow harmony is restored and men allover the world can raise their beer mugs in celebration as they watch their scrotums grow. Because we all know how incredibly un-manly it is to want children.

And finally, to my Dearest Husband, let me remind you that the "biological drive" you claim "makes women crazy" is directly related to her Sex Drive which is directly linked to how much you get laid.

That illness that kicked my husband in the balls last week came after me and though I thought i could fight it off by consuming unholy amounts of vitamins and echinacea my immune system was no match for the wreakers of havoc. I know getting sick is a part of being human and while I can never say I enjoy being ill there are better times for it to happen than others. This week, for example, was a really bad week for me. I had papers to write and a big dumb test to study for. Pretty much this whole year is going to be a bad time for me to get sick but i have a feeling this wont be the last time i fight this battle.

I was really trying hard to pull myself together to write a paper that was due tomorrow but I couldnt even get my head up earlier. The time i had set aside to work on the paper this weekend was spent in bed with a fever so i had to time off work and out of class to rest in hopes of recovering from this cold enough to get some research done. It took me 12 and some odd hours between groans of pain and discomfort to write a few half-assed pages of a 10 page report.

In the last couple of hours I'd begun to feel the claws of hopelessness pulling me under. Between the coughing and sneezing I'd strain to see but still could not find the light at the end of my drug induced haze. I decided to try shake it off and see what was going on in the world outside of this darkness. I turned to my email first, mostly out of habit, partly out of desperation that someone was thinking of me in my final moments (Dominic had already gone to bed) and there i found it! The chance to live another day!! My professor emailed the class and granted us an extension on our paper!

i only wish i'd seen the email earlier so i could have passed out hours ago.

The other night a friend blessed me with the most uplifting compliment i've ever received when he told me that I had inspired him through my photos. Those words carried me over a bump and inspired me to continue my journey even when it gets tough. Knowing that people even look at my photos is pretty amazing but to know that even one person found inspiration through my work is beyond words.

Thank you, Dan. You have been an inspiration to me as well. You inspire me to think outside of the box even when it seems absurd. You inspire me to follow my dreams even when they seem out of reach. And you've showed me that I can do it all while keeping my feet on the ground.