the Nonsense in Between

Finally, all my midterm grades are in but the results are not what I expected. So on one hand I feel successful and proud on the other i feel like a failure.

Mass Media and Social Behavior: 100%
I'm happy about my accomplishments in this class. I really enjoy the subject matter and have impressed my professor with my analyses and theoretical treatment of mass media and society. She always makes really nice comments on all my papers. It's a lot like getting those gold stars from grade school.

Rome and the Caesars: 95%
I was not expecting to do so well in this class. I like the material but I don't love it. The biggest surprise came when I picked up my graded exam and the professor stopped me to say i did a great job. I thanked him and began to walk away when he stopped me and said "No, you did really good. Your answers are above and beyond what I expect from students." Wha?! Then he went on to ask me if I was a Political Science major (which i'm not) and suggested that I would do well in Politics. He told me I should consider changing my major. Wow!

Geography: 89%
I freaking hate this class. I hate the professor and I hate her stupid multiple choice tests. I am disappointed in myself for not nailing the "A" but whatev.

Anthropology: 76%
Ugh. a "C" really? Fuck. This is my FAVORITE class, my favorite professor. How did i fuck that up? I am so embarrassed and pissed at myself. The worst part is that I nailed the essay questions, which can be overwhelming and difficult for some students, and totally screwed up the true/false ones. What the hell? I mean I get it, I know that I am better at forming my own thoughts than picking an answer in a lineup but still I got a "C" and that SUCKS. A serious redesign of my study habits will have to be made to redeem myself. I guess I should have spent more time paying attention to the details than crying over the plight of the world's vanishing cultures.

It always happens that the highs are matched with equally low lows. Unfortunately, today, i didn't even get to experience the full effect of feeling good before my bad luck snatched it away.

Today, I was about to become a paid photographer for the first time. For those of you who've been keeping tabs on me through this little website you might have noticed that I've become quite fond of taking pictures. I had even begun admitting to myself that I'm in love with my little hobby. So in love that I had begun dreaming of taking it to the next level. This weekend I was going to realize that next level.

A friend of Dominic's commissioned me to take some outdoor photos. It was a gorgeous day out today and I seized the opportunity to capture some great images. We drove out to the location and shot several great photos. I couldn't wait to get home so that I could upload and email them and GET PAID. How awesome would that have been? I couldn't wait to call myself a freelance photographer and frame my first dollar and call this the beginning of something.

But then...

if you cant read that it says: "Err CF" and it means "You're screwed" could also be interpreted as "God hates you". This happened today when I excitedly tried to upload my photos from my camera. Something I have done this hundreds of times. Thousands and thousands of images have been transferred without incident UNTIL NOW. What the hell?

It's supposed to snow tomorrow and i dont know when i'll get the opportunity to go back and retake those photos. Eventually I will but today's tragedy is going to sting for a while.

1. loving him
2. being loved back
3. something new everyday
4. hearing the words: "everything is going to be ok"
5. having an amazing family
6. we are strong
7. fall break is finally here
8. the feeling of relief
9. knowing lots of really amazing people
10. having friends that are better than me
11. the good in this world
12. getting better at seeing it
13. getting through it together
14. it didn't kill us
15. becoming someone better everyday
16. having 25 years of experience
17. exploring all possibilities
18. knowing culture
19. making something of it
20. enjoying the little things
21. laughing at myself
22. it's good to be home
23. we were meant for this
24. it gets better everyday
25. stronger
26. smarter
27. open
28. getting paid to do something that is hard to call "work"
29. being on the honor roll
30. teaching each other
31. learning from each other
32. laughing
33. laughing so hard we cry
34. seeing it fill a dark place
35. watching clouds burn off in the sun
36. feeling the warmth
37. seeing the horizon
38. sleeping in
39. having dreams
40. capturing a moment in a frame
41. expressing
42. developing a passion
43. seeing them smile
43. hearing their thanks
44. having ability
45. seeing it grow
46. being dedicated
47. giving
48. things made with hands
49. building it together
50. knowing it's forever
51. holding hands
52. thrift store finds
53. seeing what isn't there
54. appreciating
55. memories of galaxies
56. days that call for bare feet
57. sitting by a fire
58. handmade quilts
59. stitches sewn with love
60. history
61. maternal instincts
62. intangible value
63. being resourceful
64. fresh air
65. lightning
66. cumulonimbus
67. having a little brother to share it with
68. weightless dreams
69. a hot cup of tea
70. healing
71. being healed
72. feeling like a puzzle piece
73. sometimes fitting in
74. sometimes not
75. knowing where i belong
76. having a voice
77. learning how to use it
78. the road ahead
79. the places we've been
80. what we've become
81. the stories we'll tell
82. seeing reflections in their eyes
83. taking time to reflect
84. putting feet up after a long day
85. clean sheets
86. ending the day with him
87. starting the day with him
88. a cup of coffee
89. never settling for less
90. earning it
91. forgiveness
92. having a shoulder to cry on (or many)
93. hugs
94. high fives
95. smiling eyes
96. old concert tickets
97. polaroid pictures
98. singing in the car
99. making silly faces
100. knowing this list could go on

I can finally (for a short moment) breath a sigh of relief as I just handed in one of three term papers. I'm feeling quite delirious though because I was up until 2:30 this morning typing it. Its been said that I'm not the best at managing my time, and while I cannot deny that claim, i have to admit that I have become quite proficient at the art of procrastination. My mind and body may feel differently but (so far) my grades seem to support this.

In typical procrastinator fashion, I'm scrambling to type my last punctuation mark at the 11th hour as was the case this morning, or so I thought. I finally called it quits at 2:30am hours after i had realized my ability to form a coherent thought had faded. I made the decision to take a short nap and finish up the paper later. 7am and i'm feeling rested. over a cup of coffee I add the finishing touches and a few extra sentences here and there to meet the 2300 word requirement. Print and race to the finish line. As I speed walk to class (because somehow that seemed less dorky than jogging) I realize I'm going to be 15 minutes late. "finishing the race is what's important", I remind myself. Redfaced and dewey from the sprint I walk in to notice there are no other papers on the professor's desk. Wha?! Am I late? Had she stopped accepting papers? I find my seat catch my breath and casually ask someone if they'd turned in their paper. "Hard copy's not due until next Tuesday, electronic ones not until tonight at midnight." "Oh" I reply. As i realize i have just turned a paper in early FOR THE FIRST TIME. It only took 6 years of college and a misinterpreted deadline.